Bro Codes Every Friend And Roommate Should Live By

‘Brotherhood’ is a sacred word and it shouldn’t be uttered in vain. It is as old as civilization itself.  Infact, the very idea of society was conceptualized on it. There was a time when Plato and Aristotle use to chug beer and bump fists after conceiving an insightful philosophy, but pages of history do not mention it. Historians probably misplaced the pages or something. True story.

Like every great cult/religion, ‘Brotherhood’ has a code of conduct, a set of rules that maintain balance in the universe. Only bros who uphold them shall be granted passage to the VIP section of bro-heaven. Again, true story. So, be it your friends or roommates, they are your bros and and you are bound by duty to commemorate the bond of brotherhood.  The best way to do so are by following these hallowed rules :

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-You must always have your bro’s back. No exceptions.

-The way of the bro is sacred, cherish it like a sect or cult. The bro life is like being in Jedi training camp. You must always show your bro respect and be humble when it is reciprocated.

-A bro should always treat for food when a bro is broke. There are tell tale signs that a bro is having a cash crunch like, “I’d rather eat at home”, “I’m not hungry”, “I just ate”, and finally “I’m trying to save money so I’ll eat at home.”

You are the bro

-When a bro pays for all the alcohol in a party, it must be made known to all present and future generations of bros, afterall it is the greatest feat ever observed in human history.

-When your bro’s girlfriend inquires about his whereabouts, you know nothing, period.

-You are only obligated to wingman for one bro per social event, and you as his wingman, may not fail him.

-When a bro asks a bro what he thinks of his girlfriend or date, a bro is always required to give an honest opinion. The phrase, “I’d hit that” is off limits.

-A bro will never make another bro look bad in front of a girl. The wingman should swiftly punish any such attempts. Afterwards the bro who infringed upon this rule may be confronted by the whole circle of bros.

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-A bro will never allow another bro to drunk dial or text a girl. No exceptions to this rule. When a bro is truly smashed and his girl calls, the phone will be confiscated until a sober state of mind is achieved.

-You will always make excuses for a bro’s actions, no matter how obscene. All things done by a drunk bro must be forgiven. No exceptions.

-When a promise is made, it shall be kept. And under no circumstances shall it be broken.

-The fist bump is a bro’s greatest weapon aside from the bro code itself. It should be used to show support, acceptance, and pride. Use the fist bump often, and show constant appreciation for your bro’s jokes and skills with it.

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-The Golden bro rule that everyone knows, brethren before wenches. This rule of the bro code is what sets the bros apart from the faux-bros. It is the very essence of the bro code, and embodies the true awesomeness of brotherhood.

Now that you are familiar with the bro code, serve your brothers in need, for that’s the law ordained by nature itself and that’s your purpose.

Bibhu Sarkar

I love orange soda.